The Little World

When you next go to a scale model exhibition see if there is going to be a contest at it – apart from the fights between the customers and the shops. Something that has models on display and judges marking them.

Look particularly closely at the table with the prizes on it. They may be cups, trophies, or modelling goods donated. Few have cash prizes, but we can always hope. In any case, count those prizes. You’ll see that prize contests divide themselve into two categories:

a. Ones that have very few things to hand out. A first prize and a couple of ribbons or paper certificates is typical of this sort of contest.

B. Ones that have a vast array of prizes on a table. Serried ranks of trophies, if you will.

In the first case there will be fierce competition to be the first prize winner. It is all-or-nothing. You are either the best and only modeller worthy of notice or you are dirt beneath the shoes.

The judges of this sort of contest can afford to be meticulous and ruthless. They hold the power over everyone who submits to their scrutiny and if they have enough time to do it, they can be particularly critical about smaller and smaller things. No-one should expect to go unscathed, as the judges generally enjoy scathing.

If they are honest judges, and this may have happened somewhere sometime, they will have a list of completely sensible criteria to work from – a set of statutes, as it were. They will rule and consider wisely and render that last judgement with sober mien.

Ot they’ll award the prize to a mate and then refuse to discuss anything about the decision.

In the case of the big-prize table, there will be more categories considered and more chances to win something. This will not make the judges better nor their decisions more logical – they’ll just have to spread their very human prejudices thinner. The real problems will go to the scrutineers who have to decide which of the myriad of categories an entry should go to – and there will be fights about it.

Hopefully, everyone might go home with something – in reality some people leave the hall with a sense of grievance and nothing else.

But all is not gloom. There is a way of satisfying – nay, pleasing and delighting – the judges, which is open to every modeller. You just have to pick the right ones to make a pronouncement on your model. And it is best to pick them before you place your model on the display table.

How do you find them? Easy – go into the bathroom and look into the mirror. There they are – either side of your nose. Please them and you’ve won before anyone else sees your model.