The Little World

Oops, sorry. I had the Dilbert switch turned on there when I typed that. Lemme turn it off. Here we go again.

” When To Glue Things On. ”

That’s better. As a topic it may seem a lot more complex than it really is…because the whole thing basically is not to stick something on that will stop something else from being stuck on. It’s not philosophy – it’s just building from the inside outwards.

If you do that – start from the inner parts and sub-assemblies and gradually add them to each other heading for the outside skin of he model, you won’t go far wrong. You can get a pretty good clue as to how to do this by following the instructions included with the kit. Unfortunately:

a. Some kits do not have instructions. Not at all. They figure if you are advanced enough to want to build a model of some obscure 1882 steam-powered coal jiggler that you are smart enough to have made copies of the original plans in the Science Museum and can figure it out for yourself. Or they are too cheap to print anything.

b. Some kit instructions are written by small manufacturers whose native language ceased in 1945 and who have been taught English by a Bulgarian. Count the number of howling grammatical errors on the sheet. Once you pass ten, you might as well screw it up and go get the plans for the coal jiggler, even if the kit is of a model airplane.

c. Sometimes the makers of the kit go round the office and find out if anyone actually speaks English before they write the instructions. Finding that no-one does, they resort to diagrams and drawings with no words. This might be an answer except for the fact that they also forget to ask if anyone can actually draw…

d. Sometimes they just don’t think. When they make moulds for their kit that are so thick as to place the center of gravity way, way back past the wheels of a tricycle landing gear and then wonder why all the models sit on their tail with the nose wheel in the air…wise modellers do a mockup and see if they need lead shot in the nose of the plane. If you need lead shot in the nose of a model car to keep the front wheels on the ground it is time to change model brands…

e. Some kits will not assemble. You cannot do all the things necessary to get them to glue together unless you have 18 arms and an eye on a stalk. There is no known adhesive or bonding technique that matches what the designer of the kit thought was going to happen. The illustration of the finished product on the box is all Photoshop.

If you have one of these duds, take it back to the shop where you bought it. If you can’t get a refund, upend the carton of tiny sharp parts into the carpet.